You too can make scifi out of mayonnaise
The true story of my Mayonnaise Murders trilogy which concludes this summer
Issue #295 Keith’s SciFi Musings April 9, 2023
Over a quarter century ago, a good friend of mine ran an education company that specialized in helping young kids to learn, especially young kids from more disadvantaged families who often needed extra help closing the gap when up against families where paid tutors were the norm.
(I know this doesn’t sound like sci-fi yet, I know. Stick with me.)
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At the early grade levels, it was all about math, reading, and science. If you could get kids to enjoy the process of learning, then the battle was more than halfway won. So my buddy, knowing I was a writer, had this idea that if I could write a story for young kids that might spark their interest in those subjects then that could be the key. But it needed to be a detective story, and it needed to somehow incorporate elements of math and science. Right? OK.
“So…a science fiction book is what you’re talking about,” I said. “A science fiction book for kids…?”
“Yeah, kinda. But it has to be educational too. Just take a run at it and see what you can come up with.”
Obviously, I’m paraphrasing our conversation because it’s been 25 years or more, but I’m pretty sure that’s basically how it went.
And I was geeked about the opportunity to not only be writing a book for a company run by someone I knew and could trust but also I was getting paid.
And since this door opened up right after the Detroit newspaper strike began (I was one of the ones who went out on strike from the Detroit Free Press, never to return for almost three decades), money mattered. A lot.
So then, as I tossed around the rather crazy idea in my head of how to write a detective sci-fi novel that could get kids interested in science and math, I somehow came around to the idea that this, yes this, was a story for mayonnaise. No other condiment would do.
Because mayonnaise was made from a mixture of eggs and other ingredients which, when properly combined…
BOOM. Mayonnaise.
And there you had the beginnings of the science part. But then I wondered, what if there was this addictive drug, right?
And we’ll call it MayoMadd. But to make this drug, you would need mayonnaise.
Which means you need eggs.
Which means you need chickens.
And then my brain just started spiraling from there.
And when I presented the idea to my buddy he was like GREAT. LOVE IT.
But this ain’t gonna work for kids…
Which was kinda true. So I wound up writing an entirely different series for the education company called Who Stole the Zmulobeast?
Mayonnaise Murders was now mine to run with as crazily as my rather twisted imagination would allow.
And my imagination just kept running and running for three full-sized volumes, the third of which will be available this summer.
What follows is my summation of the entire series:
So on Planet 10, mayonnaise is illegal. Used as an essential ingredient in the highly addictive drug MayoMadd, mayonnaise has long been banned for the safety of the colonies which has been free of the MayoMadd craze for years.
So then where did the mayonnaise come from? And who had enough pull to sneak it back in? Or is somebody manufacturing it, and if so where are they getting the ingredients?
And who is behind the new drug Roscoe 21? Why is this happening?
That’s what Vid, a dry-witted detective from Planet 10’s wretched Vivacious 5 sector, has to find out together with his partner Vee, the former star news reporter from The Daily Screamer.
Vee comes fully equipped with no shortage of attitude and an arsenal of quick comebacks wrapped in as much barbed wire as humor. What they eventually uncover could have been the biggest story of Vee’s career.
Unfortunately it could also pose one of the biggest threats to Earth’s purebred population whose hated existence is being targeted by a revenge-obsessed army of freakish chicken/human hybrids originally created for experimental purposes by purebred scientists and then disposed of – except for those who managed to survive the purge.
A chicken’s revenge can be a terrible thing.
Here's what an Amazon reviewer had to say about the first volume of the trilogy, which perfectly fits this standalone third volume conclusion:
“Super zany sci-fi that had me thinking at times of Men in Black. Very offbeat, very surreal humor, images, and plot points. The hardboiled detective flavor of the storytelling is part of the mashup of the sci-fi and mystery genres. The author’s greatest strong suit is his ability to bring characters to life using dialects and the vernacular. While this is for the discerning palate, meaning, not for everyone, if you are the target audience, I’d say still resist the urge to read the book too fast. That’s difficult because the energy behind the writing really propels you along. But if you don’t pay attention and struggle to orient yourself to this madcap world you’re likely to get lost fast. Even so, not everything will make sense at first. The reader is ultimately rewarded for his patience with some deep themes lending gravity to a tale that might otherwise be straight out of Mad Comics.”
Mayonnaise Murders Part 3, the conclusion, is now available!
The full trilogy is now available on Amazon here:
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