The Dream Repairman
Issue #512 Keith’s SciFi Musings Sunday, February 25, 2024
“So what seems to be the problem? Is your fantasy too real? Too scary? You can’t wake up? Tell me what it is, and be specific, and I’ll see if I can fix it.”
“OK. So first thing? It’s not a fantasy. You oughta know this by now.”
Xxylander Hybronicus III is a dream repairman. Ziff for short, and he comes from a long line of dream repairmen. And let me tell you they are not easy to find. It’s not like you can Google them, and back in the day they damned sure weren’t listed in the yellow pages. It was one of those things where you had to know somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody else who may or may not be willing to help you find the somebody you need depending on your list of referrals. Or just whether they felt like being bothered with you or not.
And once you finally got the approval you needed? Still wasn’t easy. Ever read those Harry Potter books? That part in… I think it was the first book in the series? Where the Hogwarts students have to take a run at what looks like a solid post in a train station, and you think they’re gonna knock themselves out once they hit that post but then instead they pass through the post into a separate reality where the train to Hogwarts takes off?
Yeah. It’s kinda like that. So if you ever find yourself in need of a dream repairman, just…prepare yourself. That’s all I’ll say. Oh it’s definitely worth it, but just….
Yeah.
Anyway, Ziff had been my guy for close to a decade now. Rather strange-looking dude. He had these long pointy ears, looked kinda like a demon elf in a lab coat, and had a voice that was way too deep and raspy for his size. But he always managed to get the job done. Eventually. Well, mostly always. There were those few times where things didn’t go quite as planned, but I guess that’s to be expected when you’ve been working together for as long as we have. Tell the truth, Ziff probably knows my dreams better than I do. He’s the only reason I get any sleep at all.
“Be specific, huh? Ziff, I’ve always been specific. Right? I mean, how long have we…”
Ziff was a busy repairman and quite in demand. I had learned that over the years. He was always working on more than one job at a time. And unlike some repairmen, he didn’t have any help - on purpose. He simply didn’t trust anyone else to do it right. Which, I guess, viewed a certain kinda way, was maybe a good thing…? Showed his commitment to the perfection of craft maybe? Whatever.
Anyway, something about how I said what I said when I responded to his every-single-damned-time request to be specific, made him take a break from whatever fractured dream he had been hovering over and step back from his work table. He reached up and pulled his goggles onto his forehead, then gave me a look with those burning green and purple eyes that made me gulp. I raised my hands and pushed my palms forward in surrender, dropping my shoulders. Even though this guy was half my height and probably not more than a quarter my weight, I never was under the delusion that if somehow he and I ever wound up in a tangle that I wouldn’t be the one irreparably tangled up.
“Hey, I’m not disrespecting you, OK? I just don’t know why it is after 10 years of business you feel like you still gotta ask me to be specific. You really don’t think I’m aware of that by now? After all this time?”
Ziff looked at me for a long minute or two, maybe deciding whether now was the time to cut me off or refer me to someone else. Except dream repairmen never referred their clients to anyone else. They just dropped you, and then you were stuck with your defective dreams for the rest of your life.
Slowly, Ziff pulled his goggles back down over his eyes and returned his attention to his work.
“You make a good point, Alfredo,” he said.
“Thank you.”
“And you have been a good client. Always pays on time.”
“I respect your work.”
Did Ziff actually smile?
“Now then. Tell me exactly what seems to be the problem with this dream. Is that better?”
I nodded.
“So it’s the strangest thing, right? Never had this happen before, which of course is why I came to you. You really are the master. So here’s how it goes…”
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