Sharks, electricity, and why that matters for tonight's presidential debate
Issue #652 The Choice, Thursday, June 27, 2024
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Tonight, for the first time in history, a sitting U.S. President will debate a former U.S. President who is the presidential nominee for the opposing party. This will be the first electoral debate of the campaign season, and I’m betting it will be the last.
But that’s not the real story. Nor is the fact that a current president will be debating a former president a real eye-popping historical point of interest. I mean yeah, it’s interesting, but what really makes tonight’s debate stand out is that we will be witnessing a current U.S. president debating someone who has clearly lost his mind. That’s because never before has a major political party nominated someone as their choice to lead the nation an individual who was certifiably insane.
Donald Trump’s obvious and visible mental decline has been on parade for months to anyone who has cared enough to pay attention. I would argue that the media hasn’t paid nearly enough attention to this issue, probably because certain news organizations are afraid that paying attention to such an obvious fact would make them seem partisan. And yet, just several days ago Fox News, of all stations, decided to cut away from Trump’s most recent senseless rambling because even for Trump – and Fox – it was just too senseless and rambling. And that’s saying something. Here’s what Trump said:
“You ever try buying a new home and you turn on – you want to wash your hair or you wanna wash your hands – you turn on the water and it goes drip, drip. The soap, you can't get it off your hand. So you keep it running for about 10 times longer.
The worst is your hair. I have this beautiful luxuriant hair and I put stuff on. I put it in, lather. I like lots of lather because I like it to come out extremely dry. After all, it seems to be slightly thicker that way. And I lather up and then you turn on this crazy shower and the thing drip, drip and you say I'm gonna be here for 45 minutes.”
Yes. He said this at a campaign rally in Philadelphia. Talking about his beautifully luxuriant hair that isn’t even his and that he probably has to feed at night when he takes it off and puts it back in its cage.
Then a couple of weeks ago there was this gem, reported here in the Washington Post:
The story began with Trump describing a conversation with a boat manufacturer in South Carolina. (This was the person who purportedly referred to him as “sir.”) Trump offered more familiarity with boats than his audience — again, in the desert city of Las Vegas — might have possessed, with casual references to vessel lengths and motor manufacturers. The point, though, was that even this estimable industry had been afflicted by calls to reduce fossil fuel consumption.
“So I said, ‘Let me ask you a question,’” Trump explained. “And he said, ‘Nobody ever asks this question,’ and it must be because of MIT, my relationship with MIT. Very smart.”
“I say, ‘What would happen if the boat sank from its weight and you’re in the boat, and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery’s now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there?’” Trump said.
“Do I get electrocuted if the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking?” Trump says he asked the man. “Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted, or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?”
And then, of course, there are the other not-quite-so-funny and considerably more outrageous quotes, such as his plans for mass deportation of immigrants – or his lightbulb-over-the-head idea to form a migrant fight club as a form of mass entertainment for the rest of us fun-loving Americans. Because why wouldn’t we love such a spectacle? From The Hill:
“These people are tough. They’re so tough,” Trump said in his speech during the Faith and Freedom Coalition event in Washington, D.C.
In both addresses, Trump recalled that he had floated the idea to UFC head Dana White.
“I said, ‘Dana, I have an idea for you to make a lot of money. You’re going to go and start a new migrant fight league, only migrants,” Trump recalled during the rally.
He suggested the migrant league champion and UFC champion could ultimately battle each other.
“I think the migrant guy might win, that’s how tough they are. He didn’t like that idea too much, but actually, it’s not the worst idea I’ve had,” Trump told the Christian group. “These people are tough and they’re nasty, mean.”
So my hope and prayer for tonight is that, with multiple millions of Americans watching, the madness of King Trump will be on full display in all its glory. Just let the cameras roll as Biden steps back and chews popcorn while he lets Trump be Trump. Because there is no better argument for why Trump can’t be allowed back into the office than Trump himself. And Trump believes his own lies and hype so much – and has no one to convince or advise him otherwise – that I think he really might just show up and fuck up spectacularly.
Since cameras were (inexcusably) not allowed in the courtroom when Trump was put on trial and convicted on 34 counts of falsification of business records, meaning we had to rely on talking heads to tell us what was going on instead of seeing it for ourselves, this may be our last best chance to watch the stable genius do his thing.
Being his vile, sick, and twisted self would be the most patriotic thing Trump has ever done in his life. So just let you be you, Donald. And God bless you if you do, sir.
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The scary thing is that the orange ex might actually behave.