Did we reach God yet? Yeah. And he is NOT happy. —-Image by Rupesh Dev, courtesy of Scopio
Issue #250 Keith’s SciFi Musings February 12, 2023
When Dan Gilbert (aka If I Don’t Own It Now I Will-bert) first began hyping his proposed development on the old Hudson’s site downtown, it was being promoted as what would become the tallest building not only in Detroit but in all of Michigan. It was expected to top out at 912 feet, overshadowing the puny plaything of a Renaissance Center which only dared to reach its current height of 727 feet.
It was also supposed to be done by now, but one can’t rush the Tower of Babel. When you’re trying to reach up and touch God by elevator, these things take time.
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But the utter disappointment came a few years after the initial 2017 announcement of the development when it was (rather quietly in whispers) revealed that, well, maybe they might have to short-size the Whopper. As I recall, that sobering revelation came sometime during the pandemic when it looked like they might not be able to sell/lease/whatever enough units after all because of the remote-work threat, etc. Plus it turns out most folks don’t want to pay astronomical rents way up there beyond the sky in Heaven because that’s not what God promised. So last I heard the anticipated height now is 680 feet.
So at first, I cried. Oh, the pain of it all! Can you imagine ordering a Whopper and then they bring you this…this…burger? Just a piece of meat on a bun? Would you stand for that?
So it got me thinking: what if it was possible to create a self-constructing building programmed to automatically add on an additional floor every time it received notification that some building somewhere around the world had just surpassed the Holy Heights of Hudson’s Babylon? There would be these automated thingies, see, and like, they would be locked into a data stream programmed to constantly monitor this kinda stuff. And that way Hudson’s Babylon would always, no matter what, be the tallest building not even just in Michigan but in the world, man!
Oh. Wait. So you’re still wondering about how to re-convince prospective buyers and renters that having your very own skybox in Heaven is worth the freight, right? How to make them forget the promise that Heaven is supposed to be for the righteous, the faithful, and all that? And not just for those with enough coin to build their way there?
Because the Gilbert name also begins with a capital ‘G’, pal. And don’t you ever forget it. All things are possible, all waters must part, for the G of Detroit.
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